Hello there, dear! Happy Sunday! How did the past week go? Well, I presume.
In church today, something interesting happened. You remember when you were younger and you fought with some people verbally or physically? You remember how those episodes never ended until your teacher or some older mediator told you to shake hands with the person you were caught fighting with, no matter how reluctantly you did it and how disgruntled you still were? I remember because I was involved in quite a number of fights in secondary school.
When I saw the same thing play out between two boys this afternoon after service, I laughed at myself and thanked God for growth. Another fascinating thing I thought about was what usually happened between me and whoever I was fighting with then, after that symbolic shake of hands. We would avoid each other as much as possible and, where it was impossible to avoid each other, we tried to avoid eye contact. When we absolutely had to speak to each other, we said only a few words. When we had to look each other in the eye, it was with a lot of palpitation and perspiration. It usually took a huge box of courage to pull through those moments.
I remember how in secondary school, especially for subjects like English and Yoruba, when I had to act out a comprehension or a drama text with someone I just recently did the symbolic shake of hands with, it was always an awkward sight! But I remember that those awkward moments usually signalled the beginning of the end of the bad blood we had. Either of us would thereafter walk up to the other person during break time and try and patch things up. When other classmates saw this, they usually clapped and cheered and made jokes about it. Those moments were when true reconciliation happened.
From these experiences, I learnt that fighting is almost inevitable. In every relationship, there’ll be times when miscommunications and misunderstandings will ensue. Somebody will say something and another person will read a meaning to it not intended by the speaker. Someone will forget the warnings that another person constantly gives about how to do things and will unconsciously do what they’ve been used or accustomed to doing, and then a fight will come up. Although we try everything within our power to avoid misunderstandings, sometimes, they just happen.
Knowing this, what then should one do when there is a misunderstanding? I have learnt to be calm and to breathe. One could quietly excuse oneself so that one doesn’t compound issues with one’s statements. Where your walking out could be interpreted as disrespect or insult, just breathe and concentrate on your breathing rather than what the other person is saying. Or just try to hear them out and try to explain your side of the story with calm. There is a certain honour you accord to yourself that makes you put yourself in a respectable position. You know you can’t be caught shouting on other people. You know you can’t start unbuttoning your shirt and engaging in a fisticuff. You know it’s way beneath you to say some very offensive words. So, just keep yourself in that respectable position.
If all else fails and there is a fight and there’s the breakdown of an important relationship, be the party to initiate reconciliation. Like in the secondary school experiences of mine I shared above, no real reconciliation happened when our teachers told us to apologize and shake hands. The real reconciliation happened behind our teachers… behind third parties. So, go and quietly mend that important relationship that has broken down. Thing is, apologizing first isn’t a sign of weakness. No, it’s not! If anything, it’s a sign of strength. It’s a sign that you’re the bigger man that knows that fights ought not to take too long before they are resolved. It’s a sign that you’re seeing the big picture and seeing you both beyond the present. So, initiate that process. Don’t let your pride cart big opportunities in the future away from you.
Don’t say this doesn’t concern you. Highly placed people too disagree and fight, sometimes shamefully in the public, with cameras flashing and capturing them for the whole world to see. So, this Sunday, Alagba Barny is saying, Put yourself in a respectable position. Don’t fight. But when you do, don’t let it linger and fester.
Have any interesting fighting or reconciliation stories? Share below, please.
Have a peaceful week!
fantbabs 
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